Monday, December 19, 2005
I Will Survive...*At first I was afraid, I was Petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long
That I grew strong And knew that I could take you on
But there you are...another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry
I should have known it was bullshit, just a sad, pathetic dream
Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...
Go on now go... walk out the door
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count!
(Chorus)
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my s.e.x life is gonna thrive!
I will always have good s.e.x with a handful of latex I will survive,
I will survive....hey hey
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed
Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a prick that small was on my brother... he was 3
I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me
Go on now go... just hit the track
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours
Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomato sauce
(Chorus)
Go on now go... get out of my sight
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at my door
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor
Go on now go....
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Good-Better-BestGOOD
Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was
standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP
AHEAD". The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was a bit
further down the road with a sign reading "TIPS"and a bucket full of money.
And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in La Crosse, WI. A $40 speeding ticket was
included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.The
police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A Young woman was pulled over for speeding. As Wisconsin State Trooper
Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she
said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers
Ball. "He replied, "Wisconsin State Troopers don't have balls." There
was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his
patrol car and left.
Welfare
A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know I just HATE coming in
here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job".
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive
around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to
escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom
apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."
Monday, December 05, 2005
Life is all about asses
you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one ...
That's right, you've been " elfed " !
Pass this on to as many people as possible, but you can't send it back to
the person who sent it to you.
He who elfs last, elfs the loudest !!!!
